Feelings

The last few days have been lonely days. No good reason. I just woke up this morning and realized that I have been feeling down. Perhaps it is the week of rain, but now we have sunshine! Perhaps it is missing my parents, they have been gone two and a half weeks already and it will be another two and a half before I see them again. I don't really have any other close friends here. Thank God for internet! It connects me to my friends all over the world! Maybe it is the anticipation of going to my sister's for Easter. It is always bittersweet to visit them. Sweet because I love to be with my family so much and love seeing the children and spending time with them playing or reading. Bitter because it is so short and they change so quickly in the intervening time. I miss so much of their lives.
Whatever it is, I think today will be better. How can it not be? The sun is shining. And my dearest Friend is with me, so tenderly taking care of me. I must remember that as it chases away the glooms.

Greeeeeeennn!

Two days can make such an amazing difference in the world here! I didn't go out on Sunday and on Monday when I went to work it was amazing how green everything was! The buds have turned into leaves, flowers are already dropping off the trees and no longer are all the apartment buildings visible in all their grayness. With no more bare branches the whole world looks fresher and cleaner! It has been raining a lot here, and I do confess that I am ready for the skies to clear and show us some sun. But nevertheless, it is nice not to have to bundle up against the cold all the time, it is amazing how just a few degrees can make such a difference.

This weekend is Easter and I am looking forward to going to my sister's to celebrate. It will be lovely to be with the kids again, but mostly I am looking forward to the sunrise service on Easter morning. It is such a sacred time. The day will be full of other activities and fellowship, which I will also enjoy very much, but those few moments in the morning set the tone of joy for the whole day!

Missionary Kids

This is something my mum sent me a while ago. It definitely has some interesting thoughts. I've inserted a few comments of my own (the colored text).

The following is quoted from “Peter’s Wife” September 2007—an online missionary wife magazine.

MK Challenges:

Where is Home?
While living overseas, our children usually answer that question with the name of a town in their passport country. It is a safe and quick answer understood by the locals around them. In reality, they may feel home is really on the field. Some were even born overseas, so it is the only home they know.

While home on furlough or for school the question, “Where are you from?” starts a process of assessment. Is this a person I want to spend the next thirty minutes explaining my childhood to? Would they even care? Am I feeling too guarded to let this person in on my trans-cultural complex secret? In the blink of an eye, the decision is made. They do not intentionally avoid sharing their stories; it is just safer and simpler to stay quiet. It is strictly survival. They learn quickly that although their stories are interesting to a few, they are generally misunderstood or too complex to many. It is a challenge non-MKs never face.

You have no idea how true this is! I hate being asked where I am from, even now as an adult I don't have a good answer. But if I don't tell the full truth I feel like I am lying. But if I do tell it all, either people get bored, overwhelmed or think I am bragging.

Who are My Real Friends?
Virtually all MKs have lost some best friends along the way. Like everyone else, they have special people close to them. When those special friends leave, intense feelings of loneliness can occur. They may protect themselves from future pain by refusing to form strong friendships in new places.

Most MKs form more superficial friendships than other children. They have learned to cleverly hide who they are and what they are, from both themselves and from others. This leads to loneliness.

Some MKs were rejected or abused while on the field, when they were lied to, made fun of, abandoned or rejected. Others perceived rejection that was not intended. Whether intentional or unintentional, they were hurt. When our children have experienced verbal or psychological hurts, they may develop defensive walls to protect themselves. They may shut themselves off from both the people who can help them and those who may harm them.

Sometimes MKs feel as if they are “a black pearl in a box of shining jewels.” They feel like a misfit, someone unlike the rest of the crowd. Very often they try hard to be like everyone else. They want to be normal instead of standing out and being rejected because of their difference.

Again, very true. I love being a unique individual, but very rarely do I allow myself to be one. I've been stared at and laughed at for my clothes, accent and even physical features. Often by people who didn't mean to hurt, but I was so "novel". All I wanted was to sink into the background and while I didn't care about being one of the "in crowd" I just wanted not to stick out so much. I'm learning now to turn it to my good, but I still find myself clamming up when I am around strangers so that I can avoid awkward questions and time worn platitudes.

Re-Entry to Home Culture
MKs are raised physically and culturally different. They have a vast amount of rich cross-cultural experiences, but then eventually are expected to return permanently to live in a country that they do not feel is home. MKs feel comfortable being different in a foreign country. They are supposed to be different. They may be the only blonde among their black-haired classmates or the tallest student in their class. But feeling lost in the place they thought was home is very unsettling.

They are not cool! They may not understand the jokes. They cannot relate to the way of life experienced by everyone around them. The things they care about seem irrelevant. Their speech and mannerisms are considered odd. They even use their knife and fork differently. They don’t seem to fit in the land they had come to idolize as home.

Some MKs have false expectations about home. At first going home is great, seeing relatives and eating pizza. But soon differences pop up. Their classmates can drive cars and use slang they don’t know. Classmates have no idea where the MKs have been living and they seem so wasteful and shallow to MKs. Something is just not right with these people! They don’t meet the MKs expectations and our children don’t meet their expectations either.

MKs can be afraid of losing their identity in their home culture. They may refuse to learn the new ways or adjust to changes. All of these conflicts may be acted out as anger, rebellion, or isolation from peers.

Even worse than not understanding the other people is that they don't understand you. They don't understand your sense of humor or the vast experiences that you may have under your belt at a very young age.

And people in the West do seem very wasteful and shallow from this side. Often MK's are raised in a "bubble" world in their host country made up of other missionaries and spiritual leaders, so that when they return "home" and meet with a lot of non-missionaries they perceive these people as being shallow spiritually.

It's like going through culture shock all over again and you have to make the cultural adjustment to your "home" culture. Only people there are not at all sympathetic to your "eccentricities" because they assume that you are like them. It truly is a difficult adjustment.

I myself have been through these adjustments and they are difficult. I am still going through some of them as I try to keep friendships on several continents alive--it's difficult to remember what each person can or can not relate to!

My brothers are also going through some of the adjustments too, esp. my younger brother, Matthew. So if you think of him, please do pray that God would encourage him and help him to find a way to bridge the cultural gap.

Spring!!!

In the last few days things have turned absolutely beautiful here! The leaves are coming out and trees have the first flowers on them. The grass is growing and people have flowers in their yards. I'm enjoying every last minute of it!

With spring come certain changes to life in Ukraine. For those of us living in apartment buildings--the heat gets turned off. Mine has been turned off today, but it was turned of last week and then turned back on, so I'm hoping that they will turn it back on again! However, April 15 is the standard cut off day so...dress warm for inside and cool for outside. Thankfully, the weather has warmed up a lot, so much so that some people have already planted their potatoes. A couple of my office staff asked off to go and plant potatoes a couple of weeks ago and some of the others are planning on doing their planting over the Easter/May Day break (April 26-May 4).
The beginning of summer fashions are coming into view as well. Sadly. Summer fashions here are anything but modest. Right now it is mostly the shoes and short skirts that harken to summer. I see so many women limping around in new shoes which are obviously paining them. I always feel bad for them, they are so caught up in outward appearance that it is more important to wear stilettos that they can hardly walk in and that are obviously giving them blisters, than it is to buy something a little more sensible. It is possible to occasionally find sensible and stylish shoes here, but of course they are never on the "cutting ede" of fashion.
I guess to me it is silly because people have to walk so much here. You just try traipsing a mile or two in your stilettos and see how you feel! :P Naturally, I am not very stylish in my low heels or flats, but I am comfortable and I'm not limping!

Pictures...finally

Here are a few of my small groupies. This is only about half the group as I don't have pictures of the others. But please also pray for Masha and Oxana (unbelievers) and Julia--who is now our secretary at the office. She is a newer believer and Oxana lives with her.
This is Lika. She knows the truth, but weeds keep growing up around her and stopping her from accepting it.

Carmen is Lika's daughter. She hasn't come regularly to the small group, but I believe she and Lika read the Bible in English together at home.
And this is Larissa. She is a believer and brought Masha as well as some other girls along. She is always an encouragement and joy to see.

Office Changes

Mum and dad left yesterday for the States, so I of course, would appreciate your prayers for them.

In March, our key translator/consultant, Kostia, received notice that he has to move out of his apartment by June 1. This is a praise, since sometimes they only give you a few days warning--one time his landlord actually just appeared on the door and moved in with him for a week till he could find a new place!
However, due to health issues we've agreed that he will try moving away from Rivne to a more temperate climate in southern Ukraine. This will be a huge change for the office and for me as I rely on Kostia's expertise in all areas of our work for advice and information. Please pray for our office during this transition. I hired another translator/language person in Jan/Feb not really knowing exactly what would have her do, except that I felt it was the right thing to hire her. Apparently God has had this in the works for some time.
Mostly right now, however, I ask that you pray for Kostia and Marina as they prepare to move with their two kids. This week especially, Kostia is going today to go apartment/house hunting in the region that he wants to move to. He's been told that it is very difficult to find apartments there. Please pray that he will find one without a problem and for a good rent, in a good location for his family, something that his wife will like and that they will have a good landlord!
I really believe that this move is of the Lord and trust that He will bring it all together according to His perfect plan. Pray that we would have faith in the meantime.
Thanks.

PS. Please pray for our other translator, Costia, as well as he has been going very slow lately. And for our artist Andrew, he has had some eye trouble which hinders his work for us.

Dangnabit! ;)

I just went to download the pics of a couple of my small group girls off my camera and I realized that I left the camera cord at the office. So it'll be a few more days. In the mean time, here's a pic from my birthday:


I am really feeling a lot better. Still need to spend a lot of time laying down, but I'm spending about four hours a day at the office, and a little more time up at home too. The iron does seem to help, but that is obviously not the only problem. But whatever it is it seems to be going away gradually.
It's nice to be feeling better.
Thanks for praying. It does make a difference. A lot of people were praying for me on my birthday and I really did feel better that day.

I go back to Kyiv on Friday for my braces again. Last time he said I only needed them for a couple of months more, so we'll see what he says this time.
Mum and dad leave tomorrow to go to Kyiv and then on to the States on Thursday. They'll be there for a month, so please do pray for them as they enjoy family and minister in various churches and other groups. And pray for me here as I continue to oversee the office and try to pull all the work together in time.
Particularly pray for Andrew, our artist, as he already works two other jobs and then does work for us on top of that, so it is of course very slow going. And for Costia, our out-of-office translator. He struggles with depression at times and his work has been going pretty slow lately, which leaves us in a bit of a lurch. Pray that he'll catch up this week and be able to do the rest of the work in a timely manner.

Small Group

I must be more tired than I realize. I just tried to blog in the address line of my web browser.

Tonight was the last night of my small group. I hope to keep in touch with the girls over the coming months and I would appreciate your prayers for them. Specifically for the three unbelievers who came more-or-less regularly, Masha, Lika and Oxana. Pray that God would work in their hearts and draw them to Him. Lika and Oxana have other Christian friends, but I am not sure about Masha and she just moved to a different city too... She seemed fairly open to spiritual things. Oxana on the other hand was quite closed. Lika has been attending these Bibe studies for a couple of years already and I believe God is knocking at her heart, but for some reason she is not surrendering to Him.

I'll try to post a couple of pictures in the next few days so that you know who you are praying for. :)