Little Things

You know, contentment is such an intangible thing. I mean, what makes us content? How do we know when we are content? I think a lot of people mistake happiness and contentment. And granted, the two are definitely interrelated. But contentment usually comes first, not happiness.
I've been thinking about contentment this week because I have been feeling extraordinarily so. And there are lots of little things contributing to that. Things like waking up early to these perfectly peaceful mornings. Having my devotions. The success of the bakery at this stage. Getting into a routine and gradually ticking things off my "to do" lists. Having (making) time to do my course work. Getting to know people at church and at the market.
But none of these in and of itself provides contentment. And really, I have plenty of reasons to be discontent, the whole chronic illness and pain being one, being far away from much of my family is another.
The Bible commands us to be thankful always. And Paul said that he had "learned" to be content. I see so many people who aren't really content, but most of those same people aren't thankful for what God has given them. It isn't what they expected. It isn't the way they expected. They still have problems in their life. It isn't when they expected.
And in case you are wondering, yes, I am looking at myself. I've struggled with all of these things. And sometimes still do. But I do continually take it back to the Lord and recognize His sovereignty. And then I come and take it back and we do it over again. And again. And again. :| I've definitely improved in some areas, and some areas are probably going to take years more of work (oh joy. :| ). But for today, I am content. And I am grateful for that. I know that there are areas where I could be more content (and I am ignoring those right now, thank you very much!).
I am enjoying the contentment, and the happiness that comes with it. It is good to know that it is possible to feel this way (thanks God!).

The Perfect Morning

This morning I woke up at five. Didn't get up until after six. I think I just need to set my alarm earlier so that I'll realize that it really is ok to get out of bed earlier. :| Anyway, now I am sitting here on the couch, having enjoyed my coffee and devos. The window is open and it is quiet outside. The perfect first day of summer. The sun is shining and the birds are singing, there is a white cottony cloud off in the distance, but it is already fading away. I am amazed at how peaceful it is in the middle of this apartment complex at ten to eight in the morning. It could easily be a couple of hours earlier it is so peaceful. Every once in a while you might hear a car go by, but not too often.
It kind of makes me feel like I am on vacation. The piles of work and busy day ahead don't, but the peacefulness of the morning reminds me of a house we stayed at in Wales. Just stillness. And it is beautiful.
Across the way from me there are azalea and some other flowering bushes. Mostly though, I just enjoy hearing the birds. I guess we just don't have a lot of songbirds in Ukraine. We have pigeons. And crows. And sparrows. The sparrows are definitely my favorite. But here there are robins and swallows (to my sister-in-laws chagrin--apparently they have some nesting by their apartment).
It is nice to wake up and enjoy the calm quiet of the morning. To sit a few minutes in peacefulness before the business of the day sets in. Today, my pain levels are a little lower than they have been and I am thankful for that. I'm still getting a lot of nerve pain in my right hand, but I have been able to cut back on the painkillers for which I am thankful. It makes this morning even just a little bit better. :)
I need to "go" to work now. First my course work, then my baking. But I am procrastinating. I want to just sit here and enjoy the morning.

Keep Praying!

All right! Whoever it was of you that stopped praying after my last health post--get back to it!
I've actually had a migraine (a small one) for almost two weeks. The chiropractor says it is related to my chewing. :| And a few weeks ago, I pulled one of my vertebrae out of place and mucked up a couple of muscles trying to carry things that were too heavy for me. And yesterday I did something to my other shoulder and pinched a nerve. Plus my lower back is a bit messed up (probably from sitting cross-legged on the floor, but you didn't hear that from me) and I'm having an upsurge of joint pain again the last few days.
Ok, so that all said. What I said in my last post still holds. Yes, when I have more pain, I am more tired too which is frustrating, but overall, even with the pain my energy levels are still WAY higher than they would be without the supplements and treatment. So, things are still overall positive. I'm just having a low moment. Most of the pain is pretty manageable, but the joint pain does get me down. It affects my hands and feet and my hips and just kind of leaves me feeling extra stiff and sore which means it takes me longer to do stuff. Like get out of bed. And that leaves me frustrated and wondering if I am just being lazy. It always takes me a few days to figure out that I am actually in pain and could take meds to at least take the edge off. lol I'm a little slow that way.
Anyway, all that to say, I am doing way better than I was a year ago and my pain levels even now are lower than then. I just still need prayer and and prayer for patience and persistence and determination and grace. Of course I would like the pain to all just go away, but I know that probably isn't the way God is going to work in this situation. So, I need just as much prayer that I will deal with it gracefully and without complaint or giving in to the fear (of more pain or sometimes just continued pain). That I will rely on His strength and remember that He does provide for me to be able to do what He wants me to do each and every day, even if I don't accomplish all that I want to do!

Health Update

You know, I get so frustrated with my energy levels sometimes. I just struggle with not being able to do all I want to do because I am just too tired. I am constantly amazed by how much time I spend on the couch. That said, I had a little wake up call last week.
My chiropractor/naturopath had me go off of most of my supplements so that he could test if I still needed them all or not. I had to go off of them for a minimum of four days so that all traces of them would be out of my system before he tested me. So, I quit taking most of them on Sunday. I didn't register any particular changes mentally, but they were most certainly there! He tested me on Thursday and I need to continue with all but one of my supplements (I'm taking three different vitamins as well as five or so other supplements, 25-30 pills every day and one or two in liquid form).
After getting back on them, I realized what a difference they do make. I had been struggling all week with just feeling lethargic and not able to pull myself together to do things. It just took all of my will-power to get my basic work done, which isn't usually that big of a problem. Got back on the supplements and bingo! within a few days life was so much easier again. I am having trouble expressing the difference that it made for me.
I think the difference is like trying to crawl up a mountain on your hands and knees versus being able to just walk up. You can do it on your hands and knees, but it takes a lot more effort and determination and every little anomaly in the path is a much bigger deal. When you can just walk up, you can cover a lot of the ground faster and more easily, you make better progress with less effort. And the little anomalies in the path can just be stepped over or jumped over, they don't require lengthy detours or careful planning to overcome. You just do it.
So definitely a big praise for the improvement in my health. Yes, taking all those supplements isn't fun or cheap, but they make the difference between my being able to live an almost normal life and spending 50%+ of my waking hours on the couch. And! They reduce my pain levels. Within a couple of days of going off I was having a lot more stiffness in my joints again and aching hands and carpal tunnel and all my joints were cracking and popping again. Now that I am back on them that has all dissipated back to an occasional thing not a daily routine. So PTL!

Downs and Ups

Today, I woke up bummed out (probably had a bad dream). I just felt down. I got up, unpacked my new bakery display case and found it was broken. Called the company, they said they'd figure something out. Felt really bummed out. Started to make bolussen, four batches, so that I'd have enough for next week too and the kitchenaid broke. Sinking feeling in pit of stomach. Made four batches of bolussen by hand (I'm sure my arms will be sore tomorrow).
I rarely have a thoroughly bad day, but today I just woke up into one. I'm also migrainy again. Or still? It's been every day this week, just enough to take medicine, but not enough to stop me from working--thankfully. I read today and yesterday in Matthew. About not worrying about tomorrow. Seeking God's kingdom first and all of those good things. God has a sense of humor.

I took apart the kitchenaid and realized that I had just worn one of the cogs in the gear out. The part is about $5, the grease for the kitchenaid $20. But much better than $500 or so for a new kitchenaid!
The company hadn't called back (like they said they would) about the display case, but I opened up my email and found they had emailed instead. Their supplier felt that the break was a defect and was willing to replace the whole unit. So, I am now being sent a new display case, and apparently I get to keep this one (although I am still waiting to see about that).
I also got a call about a potential wedding cake order, I won't find out until next week if it will go through, but here's hoping!

The day has improved.

Walking in Faith

This week I have been having some anxiety. Which is never pleasant. I've struggled with this off and on over the years, and it does seem to run in the family. But, I still wonder why? Sometimes I can pinpoint it to stress or too much caffeine (which could be the case today, although at about three cups of coffee--twice my usual--I don't know if that is a real risk factor). Other times I feel that I am just psyching myself out. Usually, that means I'm getting ahead of God. And often I feel that it is spiritually related. In any case, it definitely becomes spiritually related as it drives me to more and deeper prayer. But it still isn't any fun.
Today, I feel like my anxiety, at least in part, is spiritual in nature. I know that my parents will be off to Russia soon to start their leadership training sessions. This is often a season when I have more anxiety. These sessions are very key to developing the Russian ministry and turning it over to the Russians. There is often spiritual resistance, either through attitudes of those attending, difficulty with the arrangements for the sessions (they usually stay at a retreat center), people not coming at the last minute, travel problems, etc. And there is always an overwhelming pile of work to be done before the sessions (not just work related to the sessions, but office work and other things as my parents end up being gone for 4-6 weeks usually). This will be the first year in a while that I am not around to oversee things at "home" (Ukraine) while they are gone. Thankfully, the office is smaller, but that does still mean that they have to make some extra arrangements.
Please be in prayer for the summer sessions. Pray for the people who are invited, that they will all make it a priority with their wives. Pray that they will come with open hearts and minds willing to learn and grow and be spiritually challenged. Pray for travel mercies. Pray for the place it will be hosted (not quite sure where it will be this year). And please pray especially for my parents: they have had a LOT of travel this year and it is just wearing. Lots of time change and no routine and no real rest when you are not at home in your own environment. But this is what they have been called to do, so they have given up many of the comforts of this life to do that. It is truly a walk of faith, not just for material or spiritual things, but also for emotional and physical sustenance.

Update on Daniel

Daniel and Priscilla have gone through a myriad of tests in the last couple of weeks. Thankfully that kind of thing is cheaper in Ukraine although you do have to watch the quality, but they were referred to some really good doctors. Basically, the doctors have not been able to figure out why Daniel had these strokes. They did say that both the stroke this year and the one last year were full strokes, not mini ones. And there is gray area on his MRI's which lend credence to that, although he has had a couple of serious head injuries in the past which could probably also have contributed to that.
For now the doctors have recommended that he take it easy till he is healed from this stroke (his speech was affected, but that is already clearing up). And of course, he needs to continue on his blood pressure medication. Your continued prayers are definitely appreciated through all of this. Pris and Dan still need to make decisions about how quickly Daniel is going to get back to normal life and of course they need ongoing prayer that he won't have more strokes or that they will find out the cause.

I would also appreciate your prayers this week. For some reason I am just feeling particularly stressed and anxious. Perhaps it is because I know my parents are traveling again or perhaps it is just still coming down off the high of having them here and everything that has been happening with the bakery business. I am anxious to get back into a more scheduled lifestyle. I feel like I've been burning the candle at both ends. So, just for wisdom with all the decisions I need to make this week and for how to organize it so I can get everything done and give it all to the Lord.

Market Pics!

Just a few pics of our booths at the Wednesday and Saturday markets. Things are going pretty well, but it is all a learning process. And a walk of faith. There are so many little details to get caught up in and worry about. And really, I can't make my business successful, only God can really do that. I'm just trying to do my work "as unto Him" and trusting Him that He will bring about the results that He desires.

The first pic is me at the Wednesday market, before we got our tent walls. The others are of Anya at the Saturday market. She's a fantastic saleswoman and I get compliments on her all the time. :)