Christmas Spirit

Yesterday was a brutal day! I woke up with a migraine which I had been forestalling as best I could for several days already. I haven't had such a bad migraine for ages! I nearly fell over when I got out of bed because I stood up too quickly and the pain was, well...breathtaking. :| But I managed to stagger out to the kitchen and swalow a large quantity of medicine (thankfully I was not nauseated, very much) and then I went and sat in my dark living room with my back to the window. I discoverd I couldn't lay down or sit up straight, but if I sat with my head bowed over my knees it was bearable. Finally after an hour the medicine began to take effect and I was able to move around gingerly.
Unfortunately I had to cancel lunch with a friend. I was pretty upset about that. I don't mind being sick in general, it's just when it intrudes itself so much on my life that I begin to feel frustrated about it. So I was really down on myself for backing out, especially because I began to feel better finally.
Later in the evening I managed to go to my parents' and I realized that it was just as well that I didn't go to my friend's place. I was still maxed out on medicine (to the point that my stomach was upset) and I still had a headache (and still do, but thankfully it has scaled down to just a headache right now and that's without meds).
All in all, it just set me up for a lousy day. I was very frustrated and somewhat depressed about being sick so much. And of course, I cross-examine myself all the time, "Are you really that sick? Maybe you just think you are sick?" I'm great at giving myself guilt trips! :)
Towards evening I was talking to God about it, and just telling Him that I want to enjoy this Christmas and have "Christmas spirit". He, in His great kindness, gently reminded me that Christmas spirit is found by sitting at His feet. Being a Mary, not a Martha. In my heart I am such a Martha! I love to "do". Especially around Christmas! There is baking and I'm having a party for my small group and I would love to make it into a really GREAT party, and I'm getting ready to go to my sister's for Christmas and there is decorating to be done and shopping. Mostly it is the baking that kills me! :) I love to bake, unfortunately, I expend way too much of my precious energy on that.
But even though those things may make me "feel" Christmassy, the true Christmas Spirit already resides in my heart and all I need to do is sit down and take a few minutes away from all these things to reorient myself to Him and I become aware of a much more all-encompassing Christmas spirit. Not one that makes me "feel" Christmassy, but one that helps me to live Christmas. Gratefulness to God. Remembering that He is to be the center of all of the celebrations. Peace in my heart. Just..."just" His presence.

P.S. A devotional thought that I came across today says, "Help us to set our
minds on things eternal rather than things which are transitory." All of this life is transitory, so why do I focus on it?!