Gifts

Here I am. Julianne is napping. This is not what I had planned to do with this time. But here I am. My heart is full and overflowing.
I was thinking about a friend recently. When I met her she was about 80. I was in my teens.She was always very patient with me and kind and we had many little conversations, but one thing that she said has stuck in my memory. She was married for ten years before her husband passed away and one day she said that those ten years had been the happiest of her life. At the time that was unfathomable to me. How could you pick one period as happier than the others? Of course, I had only lived a few more than ten years at the time, so my experience was somewhat limited.
I understand better now. Not fully I am sure. But better.
Yesterday I was laying in bed at about 4:30am and Julianne was snuggled in beside me. She had not slept well, so of course I hadn't either. My wonderful husband was already up and on the road in his truck working for us. And I was laying there wishing I could sleep. Baby 2 was kicking and dancing. Julianne was snuggled up in my arm and every time I tried to remove my arm so I could get comfortable she'd start to cry. And as I lay there looking at my little munchkin, those tiny hands and eyes and nose and mouth and ears, all I knew was that I was blessed. The happiness is overwhelming. I knew that I should be tired and cranky and feel like complaining, but how can I complain when I see the wonderful gifts that I have?!
I cherish these moments. I don't know what tomorrow holds. Life isn't perfect now. We aren't wealthy. Our house is a shambles of rennovations and truck parts and toys and living. I'm far away from my family. I have pain every day. My husband is gone five days a week earning a living for us.
But I laugh so much. My eyes well when I think of my blessings and I strive to honor what God has given me by cherishing these moments for I know that they are fleeting. I have no idea what tomorrow holds. Will I have my husband for two years or twenty years? For how long has God given me the stewardship of this little girl who is sitting in her high chair eating cheerios and talking about it? Not every child grows up. Not every child dies after their parents. And this new little one: we still have a little more than four months before we even get to meet them. So much can happen in that time.
I don't know the answers to these questions. I do know that I am not supposed to worry about them. I also know that part of my planning for those darker days that I know are inevitable (barring the Lord's imminent return) is that I am cherishing and storing up these moments. I don't know if this is part of my "happiest ten years" or even how long they will last. But I want to make the most of every moment! And so I cherish those moments of laying awake at night and snuggling Julianne or feeling Baby 2 do the "Hokey Pokey". I miss my husband when he is gone, but I cherish those moments when we are together and the many, many phone conversations that we have (thank God for cell phones!). And I know that I am blessed beyond even what I can recognize.