It is a new year. December seems just a blur for me. It went by in a whirl of flu and family time, cookies and car registration (I'm officially living in Oregon now--even my driver's license says it! Although my bank still seems a touch confused.). It was an odd month. Not like any Christmas months before it. I missed my family and friends from Ukraine soo much this time. Going out for coffee with them, making cookies and candies to give away, remembering Christ's birth quietly on the 25th, then celebrating New Year's with friends and family and then having Christmas on January 7th (and probably a church meal the day before or after as well). Lots of food. Lots of fellowship. Lots of love. Lots of laughter.
This year was definitely different. I don't have my friends nearby. Nor the family that I am usually with and I do miss them. But I am very happy to be with my family here. Trading one good thing for another good thing. I missed having people to bake for and go out for coffee with. It was odd to celebrate Christmas before New Year's. And it was such a quiet little affair with just the three of us (me, Matt and Anya). But it was a really special day, with many of the same traditions upheld on this side of the world in our eentsy teensy group as on the other side with the much larger group. New Year's was barely noticed.
This year was different too because in the middle of this traditionally happy time we had sadness. We lost someone we cared about. It was fitting because at this time when we celebrate the birth of Christ and the gift He is to us and came to give us, she went to be with Him. She got to open her gift.
It is odd to be sad and yet...happy. Thankful. Grateful. Thankful that I got to know Jane, even just a little bit. She was the kind of person that I want to be; someone who opened her heart up to many people and welcomed us all into her family. She and Dave took me in when I needed a place to stay. They helped me out and blessed me. It reminded me of the passage in Matthew 25 where Jesus is talking about the judgment, and says,
'Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 'For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in...' "Then the righteous will answer Him, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? 'And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in...' The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.'
I'm sad for myself that Jane isn't here anymore. I'll miss that comfort of having someone older and wiser take you in and be there to answer all of life's difficult questions (like, How do I keep my poinsettia from dying? Is this a good price? How is this done in America?!?). I miss the opportunity to have gotten to know her better. And I miss the comfort of knowing that even when I am not here, near these loved ones she is here loving on them.
I feel so selfish in my missing. I am sad for myself. I'm sad for all of us who are left behind. And I know that of them all, I am the least because I barely knew her. But I am not sad for her. Jane is where I want to be. I can not even imagine the glories of eternity that she is experiencing. I've heard that the music of heaven transcends anything we can every hope to hear here. How wonderful to be able to celebrate Christmas with Jesus.
This Christmas season was a different one from what I am accustomed to. It was sad; it was happy. Despite the sorrow, there was joy. The circle was completed. The hope that we have to "one day" be in eternity with Him--the beginning of this gift of hope is what we have just celebrated. Jane's "one day" came. We remain. Waiting for our own "one days" when we will be united with the King of Christmas.
It was a hard Christmas. It was a good Christmas. For me, the beauty of His gift was realized more fully. And I am grateful for it. The meaning of Christmas will always be a little more sober, a little more solemn for this, but the joy of it will be deeper, stronger, warmer.
"Joy to the world, the Lord is come."
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