It is a new year. December seems just a blur for me. It went by in a whirl of flu and family time, cookies and car registration (I'm officially living in Oregon now--even my driver's license says it! Although my bank still seems a touch confused.). It was an odd month. Not like any Christmas months before it. I missed my family and friends from Ukraine soo much this time. Going out for coffee with them, making cookies and candies to give away, remembering Christ's birth quietly on the 25th, then celebrating New Year's with friends and family and then having Christmas on January 7th (and probably a church meal the day before or after as well). Lots of food. Lots of fellowship. Lots of love. Lots of laughter.
This year was definitely different. I don't have my friends nearby. Nor the family that I am usually with and I do miss them. But I am very happy to be with my family here. Trading one good thing for another good thing. I missed having people to bake for and go out for coffee with. It was odd to celebrate Christmas before New Year's. And it was such a quiet little affair with just the three of us (me, Matt and Anya). But it was a really special day, with many of the same traditions upheld on this side of the world in our eentsy teensy group as on the other side with the much larger group. New Year's was barely noticed.
This year was different too because in the middle of this traditionally happy time we had sadness. We lost someone we cared about. It was fitting because at this time when we celebrate the birth of Christ and the gift He is to us and came to give us, she went to be with Him. She got to open her gift.
It is odd to be sad and yet...happy. Thankful. Grateful. Thankful that I got to know Jane, even just a little bit. She was the kind of person that I want to be; someone who opened her heart up to many people and welcomed us all into her family. She and Dave took me in when I needed a place to stay. They helped me out and blessed me. It reminded me of the passage in Matthew 25 where Jesus is talking about the judgment, and says,
'Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 'For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in...' "Then the righteous will answer Him, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? 'And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in...' The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.'
I'm sad for myself that Jane isn't here anymore. I'll miss that comfort of having someone older and wiser take you in and be there to answer all of life's difficult questions (like, How do I keep my poinsettia from dying? Is this a good price? How is this done in America?!?). I miss the opportunity to have gotten to know her better. And I miss the comfort of knowing that even when I am not here, near these loved ones she is here loving on them.
I feel so selfish in my missing. I am sad for myself. I'm sad for all of us who are left behind. And I know that of them all, I am the least because I barely knew her. But I am not sad for her. Jane is where I want to be. I can not even imagine the glories of eternity that she is experiencing. I've heard that the music of heaven transcends anything we can every hope to hear here. How wonderful to be able to celebrate Christmas with Jesus.
This Christmas season was a different one from what I am accustomed to. It was sad; it was happy. Despite the sorrow, there was joy. The circle was completed. The hope that we have to "one day" be in eternity with Him--the beginning of this gift of hope is what we have just celebrated. Jane's "one day" came. We remain. Waiting for our own "one days" when we will be united with the King of Christmas.
It was a hard Christmas. It was a good Christmas. For me, the beauty of His gift was realized more fully. And I am grateful for it. The meaning of Christmas will always be a little more sober, a little more solemn for this, but the joy of it will be deeper, stronger, warmer.
"Joy to the world, the Lord is come."
Showing posts with label christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label christmas. Show all posts
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Friday, December 10, 2010
Christmas
So, I'm sitting here looking at my nativities. Feeling just a little blue. There's no snow outside and I'm missing my normal Christmas routines and extended time with family and friends. But I'm also thinking about the gift that Jesus gave at Christmas.
You see, I've been sick with the flu for the last three days. And by sick, I mean if I got of the couch or even sat up on the couch that was a major victory. Haven't been out of the apartment. Haven't done any decorating or Christmas baking. The tree isn't bought and decorated yet. And time is running out! There are only two more Sundays of Advent! And I don't even have my wreath set up! (yes, you can read that in a wail)
True, the presents are wrapped and close to the spot where the tree will go and there are Christmas decorations spewed all over my living/dining room. Most of them are nativities. They are the only thing that I collect. And I do have a unique collection.
I even have two snowmen who traditionally join one of my nativity sets (that's the one with the four wisemen, several shepherds and angels--it's from my great-grandma and it is definitely at least two sets put together and I love it!--I added the snowmen, because as we all know, Bethlehem is full of snow in December and the snowmen arrived on skis and had a snowball fight with the shepherds).
I wonder who those shepherds were? What were their stories? Did their lives change after meeting Jesus in the manger? What about the wisemen? How many were there really? Was it just a representative delegation? What did they do after they went home? Did they think about Jesus and wonder how He grew up and what happened to him? Did their story change other people's lives?
And of course, there are always Mary and Joseph. Poor Joseph, didn't know what he was getting into when he got engaged to Mary. Dishonored in Nazareth for accepting a pregnant woman as his wife. Taking a VERY pregnant girl on a donkey to Bethlehem and then later having to set off for Egypt in the middle of the night. Delivering a baby in the middle of the night after a long day's journey on foot. Trying to make ends meet in a new town for a wife and child. He must have been a man of honour. But I doubt he was as refined and couth as we make him out to be. He was a small town carpenter. He wasn't rich. He was just a simple man. A simple man who took God at His word and obeyed. It can't have all made sense to him. He must have struggled at times to keep believing that this baby who kept him up crying in the night or had the most awful smelling dirty diapers was really God. But as far as we know, he still willing stepped into the unknown holding God's hand and doing the impossible. I'm sure Egypt wasn't a part of his five-year plan. But he abandoned himself to God.
And Mary. She's always portrayed so perfectly. This innocent girl who just obeyed. I wonder how many nights she cried herself to sleep over this "gift". How much did she miss her mother when she was giving birth? And trying to raise this little boy. Did she fight with Joseph? You know, over things like wiping his feet before he came in the house, or forgetting to pick up something at the market on his way home from work. Did she ever just need to get out of the house and away from her toddler? To talk to an adult! Did this dear, sweet, submissive, obedient girl ever rail at God (even just inside her head) for making her an outcast in her hometown? For making her community shun her as a sinful woman?
God's gifts can be so uncomfortable. I mean, really, who wants to be dishonored, lonely, forced to flee your home, travel (9 months pregnant) on a donkey for a few days, leave home and family just when you need them most? Where do people get the idea that life should be easy for Christians? Or that they shouldn't have to give up their comfortable lives to obey God? Or indeed, that God should lay out His plan clearly so that we can see that it doesn't have flaws and that He hasn't forgotten to provide for every need, before we step out in obedience?
It isn't easy to step out in faith when those you love and trust most think you are insane or lying or sinning even! But what miracles lay around the corner for us and the world if we do?
You see, I've been sick with the flu for the last three days. And by sick, I mean if I got of the couch or even sat up on the couch that was a major victory. Haven't been out of the apartment. Haven't done any decorating or Christmas baking. The tree isn't bought and decorated yet. And time is running out! There are only two more Sundays of Advent! And I don't even have my wreath set up! (yes, you can read that in a wail)
True, the presents are wrapped and close to the spot where the tree will go and there are Christmas decorations spewed all over my living/dining room. Most of them are nativities. They are the only thing that I collect. And I do have a unique collection.
I even have two snowmen who traditionally join one of my nativity sets (that's the one with the four wisemen, several shepherds and angels--it's from my great-grandma and it is definitely at least two sets put together and I love it!--I added the snowmen, because as we all know, Bethlehem is full of snow in December and the snowmen arrived on skis and had a snowball fight with the shepherds).I wonder who those shepherds were? What were their stories? Did their lives change after meeting Jesus in the manger? What about the wisemen? How many were there really? Was it just a representative delegation? What did they do after they went home? Did they think about Jesus and wonder how He grew up and what happened to him? Did their story change other people's lives?
And of course, there are always Mary and Joseph. Poor Joseph, didn't know what he was getting into when he got engaged to Mary. Dishonored in Nazareth for accepting a pregnant woman as his wife. Taking a VERY pregnant girl on a donkey to Bethlehem and then later having to set off for Egypt in the middle of the night. Delivering a baby in the middle of the night after a long day's journey on foot. Trying to make ends meet in a new town for a wife and child. He must have been a man of honour. But I doubt he was as refined and couth as we make him out to be. He was a small town carpenter. He wasn't rich. He was just a simple man. A simple man who took God at His word and obeyed. It can't have all made sense to him. He must have struggled at times to keep believing that this baby who kept him up crying in the night or had the most awful smelling dirty diapers was really God. But as far as we know, he still willing stepped into the unknown holding God's hand and doing the impossible. I'm sure Egypt wasn't a part of his five-year plan. But he abandoned himself to God.
And Mary. She's always portrayed so perfectly. This innocent girl who just obeyed. I wonder how many nights she cried herself to sleep over this "gift". How much did she miss her mother when she was giving birth? And trying to raise this little boy. Did she fight with Joseph? You know, over things like wiping his feet before he came in the house, or forgetting to pick up something at the market on his way home from work. Did she ever just need to get out of the house and away from her toddler? To talk to an adult! Did this dear, sweet, submissive, obedient girl ever rail at God (even just inside her head) for making her an outcast in her hometown? For making her community shun her as a sinful woman?
God's gifts can be so uncomfortable. I mean, really, who wants to be dishonored, lonely, forced to flee your home, travel (9 months pregnant) on a donkey for a few days, leave home and family just when you need them most? Where do people get the idea that life should be easy for Christians? Or that they shouldn't have to give up their comfortable lives to obey God? Or indeed, that God should lay out His plan clearly so that we can see that it doesn't have flaws and that He hasn't forgotten to provide for every need, before we step out in obedience?
It isn't easy to step out in faith when those you love and trust most think you are insane or lying or sinning even! But what miracles lay around the corner for us and the world if we do?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)