Lately I have been working on our Christian Family course. For now I am just reading through and
looking at what needs to be changed and how to go about that. I have really
been enjoying this particular course because I am looking at having children
myself now. Ken and I do hope to have children (biologically or by adoption or
maybe both J),
so reading a course about parenting is naturally very interesting.
This week I have been in the lessons dealing with
adolescents. Being an optimistic person it is difficult for me to accept that
the teen years are really as potentially horrifyingly difficult as this particular book describes them, but
then I am not yet a parent and I do remember some of the *ahem frustrations of
my own teen years.
What has been particularly interesting to me in this book is
the emphasis on prayer and relating to God as a parent. Naturally, this is not
new, but some of the insights presented here are quite beneficial for us in a
general sense. They deal with the “Why?” questions we have for God (and whether
or not it is right to ask God those questions) and with the sin in our own
lives.
I felt that these were generally helpful enough for the
Christian life that I would share them with you.
We could look at other examples of
protest and questioning in God's presence, but one more is enough. In the
horror of darkness and estrangement the crucified Jesus cried, "My God, my
God, why hast thou forsaken me?"
So it is not wrong to come before
God with a despairing why. It is better, much better to bring it to God than to
turn it into a barrier that shuts God out. There is no better time to approach
God than when we are bewildered and hurting. Should we fail to go to him, we
may become feeble and twisted, bitter useless wrecks. But if we bring him our
hurts and confusion, a number of things will happen. Our faith will deepen. Our
minds and spirits will expand. We will have a larger capacity for living. We
will become more free. Most important of all our knowledge and appreciation of
God will grow.
And:
Once we have dealt with any sin in
our lives, God does not want us to continue to wallow in guilt and despair. We
need to accept God's forgiveness and put our past sins behind us. If feelings
of guilt arise again over the same sins, we should ignore them, for this is
false guilt, a tool of Satan to keep us mired in despair. If our sin is
confessed, 1 John 1:9 assures us that our hearts are washed by the blood of the
perfect Lamb slain for sin. Guilt which continues to arise over the same sin is
not from God.
I know that these quotes are not directly related to each
other. And no I don’t have the info on where they were from off-hand. In the
course these quotes are in the sections dealing with discipline and rebellion.
The writers encourage parents not to beat themselves up, but to take their
concerns to God and share them with Him. And then having done that not to let
guilt imbue their lives. We are not perfect people, if we sin, we need to
repent, but then having done that take heart and believe that God has forgiven!
I know that I struggle at times with living under the cloud
of past sin. It is rare now. I have learned to accept God’s good and powerful
grace. And I learn more every day.
But I see so many people around me who struggle with this.
And sometimes we, as Christians, make each other struggle with this. We are
convinced that “that person” doesn’t really feel the weight of their sin the
way they should. Or that if they were more spiritually minded they wouldn’t
have chosen that path in the first place. Or perhaps, simply, we are “grateful
to God” that we were “strong enough” or “godly enough” not to make that mistake.
The Bible speaks strongly against judging and judgmentalism.
Yet it is so easy for us to fall into that trap. Or in our desires and efforts
not to fall into that trap we begin cross-examining ourselves and before we
know it we are demanding perfection of ourselves (impossible in this fallen
world) or we are afraid to make a move for fear of failure ourselves. What if
instead we just accepted the grace of God as He gives it? Forgiveness of
sin—all sin, not just the big ones or little ones—and all that that entails
(like not living in the shadow of guilt afterwards). And extending that grace
to ourselves and our fellow men. Not just one or the other. Both and.
It has taken me many years. I was raised in a godly family
that strives to please God and live for His honor and glory. But in this
striving, I inadvertently learned that God was never really quite happy with me.
If I made a mistake, not necessarily sin, but just not doing something to the
best that it could be done—for whatever reason, God was disappointed. Over
time, I realized that I had one of two paths to choose. I could strive for
perfection (an unattainable goal, but maybe by some great grace of God I could
make it) or I could sit still and not do anything for fear of failure and
“making the wrong decision” (not unlike the man with one talent?—only I never
saw it that way). I didn’t particularly care for either of those options. I
kept looking for another.
In time, by the grace of God, I began to realize that I had
a certain legalistic judgmentalism myself. I was horrified to discover this
because after all: I was just trying to live my life to the best of my ability
for God’s glory and honor! But God patiently and persistently brought people
into my life who showed me that I could be loved just as I am. Not by being
perfect or having the appearance of not making any mistake because I never
stepped out and did anything. This was a difficult adjustment. Humbling. I had
to realize that I am just as human as the next Christian and not necessarily
more godly. I have a wonderful heritage and a great Bible knowledge and I
certainly do strive to implement it daily in my life and choices and decisions.
Having been raised in a wonderful Christian home I had no experience of grace
to relate to. I was “saved” at a very young age and then raised in a home that
demanded my absolute best (towards perfection) with little grace for failings.
It has taken me many years to even begin to grasp what grace
really is. Learning to accept God’s forgiveness for past sins and not letting
the guilt of those hang over me was part one. Part two was learning that I
could step out and maybe even fail without falling from the grace of God (you
know, like starting a bakery business or a ministry in India). Now I
am in another new phase, learning to accept the great, mysterious and wonderful
gifts that God gives that I am fully aware I do not deserve.
I still struggle with that knowledge that I don’t deserve
them. And the pendulum swings from one side to the other. Sometimes the
struggle lies in feeling like I do deserve them! I have lived my life well and
dedicated it to God’s service and His kingdom (because after all, only
missionaries are truly dedicated to God’s kingdom; mere “regular” Christians
just don’t measure up quite as well, right? [that’s facetious in case you were
wondering]), surely I deserve some of the rewards of this life as much or more
than people who have done less or lived less perfect lives! Other times the
struggle lies in knowing that I truly do not deserve these good and perfect
gifts. I get frustrated, angry, say things that are mean or unkind and in
general have many imperfections (legalistic judgmentalism being only one). Why
would God bless one such as me?
But He does. As evidenced by the bakery that He let me
start. By the wonderful man that He has brought into my life who is truly
better than I could have asked or imagined! I would never have guessed that
such a man exists who could stretch me so much spiritually while compelling my
respect for his integrity and honesty and honor. And then he loves me and wants
to marry me. Even though he knows many of my imperfections and even sins. What
great grace is this that God would
provide someone who is so willing to accept me just as I am right now—not for
who I can be and in spite of who I have been (and sometimes because of who I have
been)? It is a whole new lesson in grace.
