Journeys in Faith

Supporting a Missionary

2012-01-30T14:31:00.000-08:00

Wow, you send out one email saying that you are switching to part-time, but still fully committed to see the project through and people start dropping like flies. This month I got only half of the support that I need. Now I am desperately looking for a job to make ends me and wondering how I will complete my commitment if I have to start working full-time someplace else.
People are so faithless! It is like the last ten years of my life don't count for anything. The faithfulness. The sacrifice. The commitment. I never took a high salary, most years my gross income was less than $12,000. There were times when I didn't have enough money to buy groceries, but the Lord was faithful to make sure that I was able to eke it through the month. The Lord was always faithful. And obviously still is. I just wish people were more so.

Struggling with my attitude today. Could use a little uplifting in prayer and encouragement. I just feel deserted in my hour of need.
Sigh. Maybe I will elope after all. That would at least cut down on some of the cost for the next few months: both because I wouldn't be trying to pay for a facsimile of a wedding celebration and because Ken and I could consolidate our living expenses! Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Mission's Fest

2012-01-25T11:12:00.000-08:00

I am off to Mission's Fest Vancouver this weekend. I leave tomorrow morning, God willing. There seems to have been a lot of "resistance" to my going to this conference for some reason. Spiritual resistance. I was in Klamath Falls visiting Ken two weeks ago for a few days and got stuck there by the weather and wasn't able to make it down until yesterday. I ended up coming back to Salem by train because of concern about my driving through the icy/snowy roads. The train ride was supposed to take 5.5 hours and took about 7.5. It was four hours late to start with, so instead of getting to Salem at 4pm I didn't make it till after 11pm.
That has only left me today to finish my preparations and pull my booth display together and iron out all the other details and pack. My flight is at 10am Thursday morning. Since I had to leave my car family is dropping me off and then I'll figure someone out to pick me up too or take the shuttle.
This Mission's Fest is a bit different for me as I am also supposed to be taking a workshop. Please pray for that too as I know what I want to say but am still nervous about it. There will be up to 75 people there. Please pray for God to use that and to help me say what He wants and to know how to communicate and get my audience's attention and challenge them. Please pray that the booth will come together as well. And that I won't completely stress out. :)
Thanks.

More About Ken

2012-01-23T12:15:00.000-08:00

Ken and my niece, Seraya

I am sure that many of you are curious about Ken. I told you a little in my last blog about how we met and what not, but there is always more to tell. :)
I've been traveling down to see Ken a few times over the last couple of months and of course he has come up to see me a couple of times too. It is a little more difficult for him because of the hours he works (usually 4am-2/3pm. But since I can work from my computer anywhere... Besides, I'll be moving down here in a couple of months anyway, so it is nice to begin the adjustments. I'll have to include some pictures of the area next blog.
Ken is 15 years older than I am.

Ken and Max

But yes, we are still planning on having a family. We've talked a lot about that and what we want. I want a few more kids than he does (but then, most people don't want 20, so that wasn't a big shocker. Eventually, we are hoping to move to eastern Oregon, but for now we will stay in Klamath Falls.
We're in the middle of renovating the house. Well, Ken was when we met and I have been able to join the process. My contributions consist mainly of organizing and cleaning, but sometimes those are very valuable things. And cooking (and maybe a little baking ;) ). Hopefully we'll have the house done in a couple of years. It is a pay-as-you-go project, so it'll take a while, but that's ok. We both have plenty of other work to keep us busy too!
Yes, Ken has a dog. Max is going on 11 and he is absolutely loveable and a shameless beggar! I think I'm going to enjoy having a dog in the house!

A New Journey!

2012-01-04T11:06:00.000-08:00

This last year has been full of journeys, from the kind you take in a car or airplane to the kind you take with your heart or mind. The journey that I have been on most recently is one the incorporates a little of both of those, but is primarily a journey of the heart.

Ken and I

In October I met the man that God has for me. We met on eharmony which sets you up to get to know each other well in the emotional sense. As soon as we could we met in person and things just took off from there. I've never talked on the phone so much in my life! Thank goodness for cell phones! We got engaged in December and are planning our wedding for May. It's been a wonderful whirlwind so far!
His name is Ken. He lives in southern Oregon about five hours south of me. He works locally as a logging trucker. And he's the man God has for me. I've wanted to get married for more than twenty years (I'm 32, and no, I wasn't planning on getting married at 10 or 12, but was looking forward to it and figured I'd get married between 18 and 21 like my mom and other family members), but Ken is worth the wait. I've never met a guy before that I didn't feel that I would have to "settle" for in some way or another. Ken and I are very much in step with each other. We share the same spiritual foundation and are both active in our faith. We share dreams and goals and a sense of humor! Our household will certainly be full of laughter!
I am very much looking forward to this coming year to see how this journey that God has brought us on will continue!
And we would very much appreciate your prayers for us as we begin building our two lives into one.

Thanksgiving

2011-11-27T16:38:00.001-08:00

My sister reminded me recently that I had not posted in a while. I am becoming quite lax about posting or life is just becoming busier. Possibly both.
This month has been full in a variety of ways. At the beginning of the month I was really struggling with migraines. Eventually through both chiropractic and regular medical care we seem to have come up with a solution. It does require me to take preventative meds every day, and we are still sorting out what works for me, but I am just so thankful that someone took me seriously and that we found a solution that works even if it does need a little tweaking. Having hope is such a powerful thing.
The second half of the month was mostly taken up with being out of it because of my meds. :) But I also had a few bakery orders and was anticipating a trip "back east". For Thanksgiving I got to come and be with a different part of my family--part of my spiritual and emotional family. My former roommate, Julie, invited me to come to Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving with her family and we made arrangements for me to be here for a bit more extended period of time (almost two weeks).
I flew on Thanksgiving day, which was wonderfully cheap, and actually a very smooth time to fly. Both flights arrived early. They were full flights with lots of kids, but on neither of the flights did the kids cause any problems. It was really just a pleasant, smooth trip. And the best thing was that when I arrived at 5:30pm Julie was waiting there for me to chauffeur me to her parents' house for their second dinner and my first. I have to admit that it was a wonderful meal and so very similar to what I would have had with my own family that I felt right at home.
I do feel so very blessed to be able to be a part of other families. I miss my own, especially those who are overseas, but God has always provided many others to take me in and make me feel an integral part of their own families. And I feel blessed.

Migraine, Migraine go away, come again some other day!

2011-11-01T08:51:00.000-07:00

Seriously. Please? Pretty please? Begging on my knees?

So that migraine that I mentioned a few weeks ago is still hanging on. Most of the time it is a minor nuisance, but every once in a while it flairs up into a dramatic someone-is-screwing-things-into-my-brain-please-make-them-stop! kind of way. Probably once or twice a week. Occasionally three times?
I would definitely appreciate your prayers on this. I have never had a migraine like this before and I am at my wits end to know what to do about it. It typically hits on Sundays and usually one other day of the week, but Sundays are my days off so my body knows it can relax. : | Consequently, I think I've only made it to church once in the last month which is frustrating to say the least.
I'm thinking about going to a doctor, but since I don't have medical insurance...sigh. That is a whole other process and expense which I really can't afford at this point. Times like this I wish I was in Ukraine again where I could just do my research and go out and buy the drugs I needed. Oh well, in the mean time, please pray for me for healing and for wisdom about going to the doctor.

Harvest Festival

2011-10-31T17:28:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago the fam here went to one of the local "harvest festivals", which seem to be built up around farm stores at this time of year. We ended up with the most beautiful sunny day we had had that week. Perfect for an outdoors outing.

Naturally, we had to take lots of pictures (well, some did, I dutifully brought my camera and took pictures with other people's cameras instead). I was supposed to be in the hole in this one, but it is difficult to both be in the picture and be taking it. Poor Seraya didn't make it into any of these.

After hanging around taking pictures, playing games and looking for Mel's lost necklace (it was her mom's so rather important and they did find it in the end) we went on a hay ride. Of course, we also had to go through the corn maze. It was a little well used and some unofficial short cuts had definitely been made, but it was a fun walk through. I had the stroller so Seraya and I didn't take a lot of unorthodox shortcuts. The biggest problem was making sure the two "big" girls didn't run of down someplace we couldn't see them.

But we made it through and found all of our key landmarks, including the hay bale ziggurat in the middle. I think both Vienna and Ziva were feeling a little nervous by the time they reached the top, but at least they managed to pose for cute pictures anyway. :)
Having escaped out the other end of the maze we came to the pumpkin patch. Matthew got us a wheelbarrow and we picked many, many pumpkins.

It was a bit icky because many of the prettiest pumpkins were partially rotten (esp. the handles), but still fun to meander through and find ones that we liked. Eventually we all found ones though--Ziva and Vienna found a rather large one that we cruelly refused to take home with us. Seraya on the other hand was also not too happy with her pumpkin. She wanted the other itty bitty pumpkin.

I picked the best punkin of all though! Unfortunately they made me give her back.

On our way out we swung by the petting zoo and the farm stand and the play park (it was a circuitous way out). I think a good day was had by all.

Saturday Market Meanderings

2011-10-21T11:53:00.000-07:00

First off, I am perfectly well aware that today is not Saturday, but I meant to post this last Saturday or Sunday right after I wrote it. Obviously, that didn't happen. But better late than never! (which is so not true)

I really need to bring my camera down here. But I'm no photographer and I am afraid that a picture--despite being worth a thousand words--would sadly fail to convey the beauty that I am seeing and feeling. I truly enjoy all the seasons, but if is difficult to choose whether I like fall or spring best.
When I arrived down here (at the market today there was this beautiful surprise: two of the trees near my booth had turned. The one still has a little green but otherwise they range from golden yellow to a pinky orange to red. Most of the other trees are full of green still, but have little leaves here and there that have turned vibrant red. It makes it look like there is fire in the trees.There is another tree that is a dark, dark green as though it would turn bugundy if it could. One or two of the trees have turned completely red.
Days like this I wish I could paint. I'd idealize the market with stalls filled with fall bouquets and overflowing with fall produce like pumpkins and squash in all various colors, under trees decked out in all shades of fall glory with just a little sunlight peeking through (that's the idealization part, there is no sun today despite the weatherman's promise).
And of course the people. or perhaps just the dogs--like the huge white ones that wear sunglasses and a tiara or the greyhounds in their Halloween pjs (yes, I am embarrassed for them). There are so many dogs that come to walk their masters (tempting to set some cats running through). Perhaps I would just personify the dogs into some of the people I see regularly. Like the man who always buys two almond croissants or the Scottish guy who comes by on his bike for a scone and a chocolate tart. The lady who always buys the small pinwheel danish. Or the grandma who gets something different each week as a treat for her granddaughter. I would want to include them all in my painting.
I love watching the people go by. There are families out for a stroll, the trendy "green" people (in all shapes and sizes), older people who just want something to remind them of the old days or the old country. And the vendors and their products are as varied as their customers. Produce, plants, flowers, food, jewelry, rocks, glass, leather, pottery, wood, lotions, soaps and much, much more!
It's a fun place to be.

Little Prayer Answers

2011-10-14T13:21:00.000-07:00

Last week I asked for prayer about my migraine. It did eventually die down over Sunday and Monday, but it continues to lurk in the shadows waiting for its moment. I still don't know what to do to get it to completely disappear, but I am thankful (very thankful) that I have not had to spend the whole week on the couch because of it. There is definitely power in prayer. I just need to keep remembering that. :)

Little Prayer Request

2011-10-07T17:18:00.000-07:00

It is interesting to me that since I have come to the States I have not been putting up as many prayer requests as I was in Ukraine. Sometimes I miss being more connected with some of the ministry things. Today I have a personal prayer request: I've had a migraine for six days now and just can't seem to lose it. The pain isn't too bad for the most part, but it does wear me out. I've tried all of my standard tricks from drugs to wheat packs, tiger balm to chiropractor. And then today I realized that while I've tried all of those things, I haven't reached out and asked for your help. So I thought I would. Please pray for the migraine to release. Thanks.

Market Day

2011-10-03T14:12:00.000-07:00

So, here I am sitting at the Saturday Market, listening to the buskers, savoring the changing colors of the leaves and scrawling on a scrap of paper (inbetween hopping up to serve customers--should've started writing earlier).
It's chilly today, I'm all wrapped up with a scarf and extra layers including a shawl over my legs--and I'm still getting cold. But I don't mind. It is such a beautiful fall day.
I do truly enjoy the seasons. God did such an amazing job with them. Driving here this morning it was impossible not to notice and enjoy the yellows and reds that are just beginning to tip the trees heralding the beginning of fall (I know some places are well into it, but this is Oregon people--we'll have fall almost till Christmas!).
Often I trade pastries for flowers or produce and this week I enjoyed two beautiful fall bouquets as well as some lovely orange squash, which I set up by one of the bouquets before I ate it (the squash, not the bouquet). The bouquets were full of dark maroons, bright reds, brilliant orange and lively yellows. They were the epitome of fall colors.
I wish I could better describe the vibrant color that I am experiencing, but words are a pitiful means to describe the glorious beauty that is God's creation.

Tumbling Leaves

2011-09-27T11:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the perfect fall day. A bit nippy in the morning, warmed up and a bit sunny but still a bit overcast in the afternoon. And it was a blustery day. Driving home from the market I was watching leaves tumble across the street as gusts of wind came and went. Watching their haphazard paths made me wonder where they had started and where they would end up.
Sometimes I feel like my life is like that, I just go wherever God blows me. Ukraine, India, back and forth, America, Ukraine, and America again. Different states, different cities, different family.
Some days it is tiring. Some days it is exhilarating. Sometimes it is lonely. Sometimes it is a blessing to know so many different people in so many different places.
Today I am wondering where my journey will lead. I feel like my leaf has been blown across the world and back again, it's changed colors, people have enjoyed its beauty as it tumbled across the road, hated it as they raked it off their lawns. But the question is where will it end up? How many more lives will it affect, come into contact with? Challenge or lift up?

Steam Rising from My Coffee

2011-09-15T09:56:00.000-07:00

This morning there was steam rising from my coffee. A beautiful thing to behold. That was about two hours ago. And I'm still sitting here on the couch. I started with my devos, then moved on to email and correspondence. So much to do, the days always seem to be getting away from me yet it is not that I am doing nothing in them (although, admittedly, there is plenty of that too--but I defend that because sometimes I just need to lay down). I had Tuesday all organized to get a bunch of work done, and by evening I had really only accomplished two of the tasks. Now granted, the fact that they each took two to three times longer than anticipated does account for that, but it still makes me feel guilty and a little lazy on the inside.
I really do struggle to balance the guilt with the the living part. My mom said that I was "the guiltiest child she knew" and that wasn't about things that I should have been guilty about (you know, like fighting or biting). I was always guilty about other things. I suppose I am somewhat of a driven person, so when I am not actively being a workaholic I feel guilty about that. With having been sick off and on for these last ten years I have struggled with the guilt a little more. Today I am struggling again.
I so desperately want to make every day count! When you have had enough days where you can barely function because of pain or struggle to get out of bed because of heavy fatigue, well, you begin to realize that every moment that you have upright is valuable. I don't want to waste them. Those moments are like steam rising from coffee. It's gone before you have time to notice it was there. You do a few dishes, a load of laundry, fix a shelf, organize a cupboard, bake a little, do some office work, go to bed.
Thinking about it all reminds me again how far I've come. Yes, today my fingers are hurting a little (hopefully more from putting my bed together on Tuesday--lots of little screws, than from something I've been eating or drinking), but I can still type and I know that I will get a lot done today. A lot more than I could have a few years ago. My health is vastly improved. I have much less pain, and I now know the causes of some of the pain and fatigue, which makes them more combatable. I have a lot to be thankful for. There are ups and downs, some days or weeks are still not great, but overall my quality of life has vastly improved.
BUT, am I making any better use of my time now than I was when I spent most of my days in bed? What scent goes up with the steam from my coffee? Is it something pleasant, something glorifying to God? Or just something average or unnoticeable? I trust that the vapor of my life carries a pleasant aroma with it. Something that will make other people smile when they smell it. Something that will make God smile when He smells it.

State Fair Report

2011-09-09T10:04:00.000-07:00

I would say it was pretty much an abysmal failure. lol
There was some advertising at least, but I don't make fair food, I guess. Oh well, live and learn! I have had a couple people come by my booth and say that they saw me at the fair, but at this point in time I am not convinced that it is really the best venue for me, even if I just did it as advertising. Maybe when I have a storefront...
I was pretty bummed about the fair not working out, but I did get to do a lot of networking there, so in that sense it was not a complete loss. I got some ideas for keeping the business going over winter, so I am working on those things now.
All in all, while it was not an experience I really want to repeat, if I had a storefront I might try it again just for the sake of advertising.

Meh.

2011-08-30T10:03:00.000-07:00

So, last Friday Anya and I did the State Fair.
It was not happy.
Actually, it was more like an abysmal failure. A complete loss.
I know. It's business and there will be losses and gains. Just disappointed that this venue is so bad. I did go and talk to some of the other vendors the next day and they said that weekends really pick up and that Labor Day weekend in particular should be better. However, even with that, I am still uncertain about how to prepare. For now I think I will prepare conservatively and hope for the best.
I'm also hoping to still do the Saturday market this week. It will make for a busy and tiring day for Anya and I, but it would certainly make things more worthwhile given how bad the fair was last week. The markets are really slow right now too. Hopefully they will pick up in September once the fairs and other summer events are done.
It is certainly an interesting first year of business. I have to say that I am learning a lot and don't regret trying this out!

State Fair

2011-08-23T10:02:00.000-07:00

Anya and I will be starting at the State Fair on Friday. That means that we are doing market on Wednesday, Fair on Friday, Market Saturday, Monday and Wednesday, then Fair Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Then back to the regular market schedule (Mon, Wed, Sat).
A normal market days is 5-6 hours at the market, plus set up and take down, so usually 9-10 hours by the time you pack up and unload, and for me an additional 3-4 hours of baking in the early morning. The State Fair runs for 12-13 hours each day. I'm exhausted just thinking about it! And still trying to work out the logistics. I think we will be two very tired people by the end of that!
Thankfully, our first day is this Friday, so we can see how that goes and then make better plans for the long weekend.
I would really appreciate your prayers for this all. It is an exciting opportunity and one I am looking forward to. My energy levels are better than they have been for a while, but I still tire easily and am a little concerned about the longer term effects of the long days. Please pray that we'll have the energy for it and that it will go well and be worth our time! Pray for Anya too as she will be the one who is actually doing most of the manning of the booth since I do the baking! She'll need a lot of energy!

Still Out There

2011-08-13T10:06:00.000-07:00

Yes, I really am (still out there).
I'm not sure what has happened to the last two plus weeks, but they just somehow disappeared into oblivion. I know that some of that time was while Julie was here and I will post some pictures of our trip to the coast and also Mount Hood (known in some regions as Mount Saint Hood).
Business has been trucking along. Things have slowed down a lot the last month or six weeks, but the other side of that coin is that now I am doing three markets every week. So, while I am not selling as much at each market, it is made up for by the fact that I am selling at three markets. Anya and I have come up with a schedule to rotate market days, so she takes every other market day (markets are Monday, Wednesday and Saturday, which means this week I am on Monday and Saturday and next week on Wednesday). It is a big help to have those extra days of the week. I have been particularly tired the last couple of weeks, so not having to be at every market is nice. I still take Anya down and set her up and then pick her up at the end of the day, but it is kind of good as it gets me going and motivated to come home and do other prep work for the business.
I am hoping to see an accountant this week, so please pray that that will work out well. It is a little frightening to think of handing my books over to someone else--mostly because I am well aware that they are in a mess! Oh well, I guess that is the point of seeing an accountant. :)

Right now I need to hop up and do another load of dishes and then get stuff laid out for tomorrow morning. Four o'clock comes all too early these days! (Translate that to, I need to get my tush in bed a little earlier!) Tomorrow should be another beautiful day. Monday markets are my favorite because they are much more low key than the other days. Wish ya'll could come and visit me there tomorrow!

Little Prayer Requests

2011-07-27T21:51:00.000-07:00

Today finds me somewhat discouraged. On a couple of counts. First, my friend (and former roommate), Julie, is visiting and she has pretty much been sick for four out of the five days she has been here. :( Which does make me wonder how she feels about being here? I mean, first it was food poisoning (not from me, from L.A.), then migraines. I think she was just sick at the thought of coming here. :P She's only here for two more days, so I would definitely appreciate prayers that she'll feel good for the remainder of her vacation time. :)
For myself, well, apparently having Julie here makes me sick too. Well, not so much sick really as pained. Specifically in my hands and feet. And shoulder. And head. And jaw. But I think that is pretty much it. I think though that the head, jaw and shoulder are at least in part because of the hands and feet. I've thought about cutting them off (because they offend me), but it is difficult to get both hands off. Granted, I do feel that I am at least partly to blame for the pain, but not fully. I seem to be having an arthritis flare up in my hands and feet (oh, and my hips too, forgot about them earlier). I know that I am allergic to coffee (brewed only, the instant stuff--which I prefer--is fine) and artificial sweeteners and have been avoiding those like the plague, but it seems that there are many more triggers for the arthritis, which seems to be some sort of a systemic allergic reaction. My fault at this point is that I took the week off from life (ok, pretended too as much as I could at least, which mostly meant not watching my diet as closely) while Julie was here. Now I seem to be suffering the consequences of that in my hands and feet. I am feeling very discouraged at the moment. My doctor (who is the best I've ever had) isn't holding out a lot of hope at this point either. He keeps trying to find solutions and sources, but basically he has said that some people are built to last a lifetime and other people are made with less high quality products. I belong in the latter camp it seems.
So, I would definitely appreciate your prayers for relief from pain, healing and most of all, strength and grace to be glorifying to God and a witness to Him through these things that He allows. I don't understand, but He knows what is going on, and I do trust Him.
And don't forget to praise that I have such a great doctor--even if he doesn't have all the answers!

People Gardens

2011-07-21T15:47:00.000-07:00

I have been enjoying some walks in the Oregon Gardens. They are beautiful and have plenty of pathways to explore. I am sure there are still a few more for me to venture into yet. I like to go after church (since it is only five minutes from there) and just meander through the gardens.
There are rose gardens and water gardens and vegetable gardens and forest gardens (or perhaps groves would be a better word). Some gardens are new and others are old. Some are meticulously designed and neatly bordered and others are a little more carefree.
There is always something in bloom.
This Sunday when I went there, I was enjoying the varieties of lilies, the lavender and some of the other beautiful flowers which are presently in bloom (and the names of which I will never, ever remember). As I meandered in and out among the gardens and examined the huge variety of flowers I was reminded again of how creative God is. Each flower is unique, even if two are on the same plant. But among them, there are sooo many varieties! And we keep coming up with new shades and shapes. How amazing that God has gifted us with the room to express our creativity by developing His creation in new ways!
As I wandered (and I had the whole place to myself because of a persistent drizzle, which I did not melt in), I was thanking and praising God for His creativity and He turned my mind to people. People are so like flowers. Some are more delicate, some more hardy, each one unique and will respond differently to different circumstances. Most flowers respond very positively to some tender, loving care and so do most people. But that tender-loving care is not the same for each plant (trust me, I've killed plants both by overwatering and underwatering!), and so it is with people too. Each one of us needs care.
Of course, we have the Master Gardener who provides much of that care. But I think sometimes we need to provide that care for each other too. Maybe reach over and gently pull a weed out so that the plant next to us has a little more room to grow. Or perhaps reach our shady leaves over and take the brunt of the sun during a hot spell, so that some of the plants around us can rest a little. Maybe we need to give some of our water to the plants near us, rather than hoarding it all for ourselves.
I don't know, there are so many ways to shed a little kindness on those around us. And a little kindness can go so very far. The memory of that kindness can bring fresh life into a tired plant or help a little plant to grow big enough to fend for itself or care for others.
I wonder what the world would be like if we all went just a wee bit out of our way to brighten someone else's day, to say thank you (meaningfully!), to help out a stranger (or neighbor) in need, or send someone a flower just to know that they are remembered. What kind of sweet smell would we give off to the world around us? What kind of smell do we give off to the world around us?

Whine, whine, whine

2011-07-15T11:27:00.000-07:00

You know, everyone here keeps complaining that the weather has been unseasonably cold and rainy this year. It's Oregon. It's about what I expected. :)
Actually, I am grateful. I like warm weather, between 70 and 80 degrees. Anything too much more gets to be a bit much.
Actually, I've been thinking a lot about complaining this week. Well, more about self-pity. We get out of joint so easily, the people who are complaining about the cool weather now, complain about the heat as soon as it warms up. Not that I can talk. I've been really struggling with my health issues lately. The last month has been pretty brutal. Lots of restless nights, lots of pain killers during the days. And the temptation is to cmpare myself to other people who are not in pain every day. To wonder what that is like. And then of course to pity myself because I have to struggle more and work harder to accomplish what I do. I get tired of this life that I live.
Knowing that this was building up in my heart again (it comes periodically) I was praying about it, and about getting my heart attitude right. As it happened I had just finished reading James and was also praying about which book I should start in next (not reading in any order at the moment, although I do sometimes). Job came to mind. And I go tall excited. Was practically dancing around the living room. lol
Now, I know most people don't get excited about Job. But he is my most favorite Bible character. There is just so much to learn from him. And so much comfort to be gained from his namesake book. I think I like Job because he is always a challenge to me, something to live up to. To strive towards. This is a man that God boasted about. Yet we hear him cursing the day of his birth and expressing the anguish of his soul very...well, very clearly. He definitely didn't hold back.
Some people try to point out that while yes, Job suffered, God blessed him twofold at the end. But you know, that wasn't a promise that Job had to cling to. Job had no explanation for his suffering. He had no reason that he could discern. And he had no promise of an end for it or of anything good to come from it. All he knew was that God had suddenly turned on him. He had ripped away his wealth and with it his status. On top of that his beloved children were taken from him and here he was a parent who had to bury ten children, all at once. Most parents feel robbed if even one of their children dies before they do. They feel it is unfair, wrong, a mistake in the natural order of things. Then Job's wife deserts him spiritually and emotionally. So wrapped up in her own sorrow and grief that she can not even help her husband when he is overtaken by severe and painful illness. And of course, Job's friends. Lovely people. Sympathetic. Kind-hearted, faithful. Really the type of people who believe the best about you. :|
Job had to go through all of this without rhyme or reason. No explanations. No hopeful promises like Abraham had. And half way through, God is still boasting about him. And at the end, we see that Job has remained faithful and pure. Truly a man of integrity and virtue. And faith.
Despite Job's anguished cries that he should not have been born, despite his questioning what he had done to so inspire the wrath of God, he is not self-pitying. He doesn't sit on his ash heap and say, "Poor me, nobody loves me. Everybody hates me. I have the hardest life ever. Nobody can understand my pain. Nobody else has ever suffered like me. I'm going to lay here and moan and groan until someone comes to comfort me." He did sit on his ash heap. It was as close as he could come to a hospital bed. Boils are extremely painful, even just having one is excruciating (I understand, haven't had any myself, but friends have), so being covered in them from head to foot, well, I wouldn't expect him to be living his normal life. But even there, I don't get the idea that he was pitying himself and seeking attention from others. "Comfort" (really just attention usually, we want someone to listen to us whine and agree and tell us how hard our lives really are). I don't get the idea that he was bright and cheery and just trying to put on a brave face, either. He was honest. He was in pain, physically, emotionally and spiritually. And it was evident. His friends didn't speak to him for a whole week out of respect for his anguish (although when they did they were pretty...well, what's a friend for if you can't kick them when they are down?). But in all of this, Job keeps his faith in God. His heart is set on God. He doesn't understand. He hurts terribly. He knows that God has the power to change his circumstances, that He could have prevented them even! But still his heart can not leave God's.
In the prologue it says twice that Job did not sin in what he said. And in the epilogue it shows God chastising Job's friends for what they said about Him (God, not Job), but standing up for Job.
Job is my hero. How can I pity myself or complain or whine when I see this man who suffered so very terribly, yet was truly and purely faithful to God? Would that I could be that glorifying to God.

4th of July!

2011-07-08T08:49:00.000-07:00

Well, actually 2nd of July, but it was for the 4th!
We did the booth up a little for Independence Day. It was fun. :)

I do wish that American holidays lasted a little after the fact, but it was at least fun to get a little celebrating in beforehand. I made up flag cookies and some red, white and blue tarts (cream cheese filling, blueberries and raspberries) and then pretty much we just put things in 4th of July wrappers.

I have to say, it was fun to be in America for July 4th. I got to see two different firework displays and watch my nieces in a parade (Ziva looked a little tired by the time she got to the end, but Vienna was going strong!).

We're slowly making some other little improvements on the bakery. Hopefully soon we'll have aprons with the logo on. I'm also working on some more "summery" products (I'm thinking lemon bars? and more berry tarts) as in the hot weather people don't seem as inclined to go for the more decadent things.

I also got some ingredient bins and more shelving at home (I know, a real thriller, but for me it is--I don't deal well with untidyness).

Anya's also been helping me at home this week a little with some of the prep work which is a huge blessing. I've had a lot more pain recently so I am moving very slowly and having an extra pair of hands really makes a huge difference! It's taken a lot of the stress out of this week.

Next week will be extra busy as we were asked to do the Monday market (at the local hospital) as well. Monday is usually a big prep day for me, so we'll see how that all goes. :) It means we'll have markets Monday, Wednesday and Saturday next week. We'll appreciate your prayers for that as I am sure it will be a tiring week! (but exciting too!)

Little Things

2011-06-24T09:04:00.000-07:00

You know, contentment is such an intangible thing. I mean, what makes us content? How do we know when we are content? I think a lot of people mistake happiness and contentment. And granted, the two are definitely interrelated. But contentment usually comes first, not happiness.
I've been thinking about contentment this week because I have been feeling extraordinarily so. And there are lots of little things contributing to that. Things like waking up early to these perfectly peaceful mornings. Having my devotions. The success of the bakery at this stage. Getting into a routine and gradually ticking things off my "to do" lists. Having (making) time to do my course work. Getting to know people at church and at the market.
But none of these in and of itself provides contentment. And really, I have plenty of reasons to be discontent, the whole chronic illness and pain being one, being far away from much of my family is another.
The Bible commands us to be thankful always. And Paul said that he had "learned" to be content. I see so many people who aren't really content, but most of those same people aren't thankful for what God has given them. It isn't what they expected. It isn't the way they expected. They still have problems in their life. It isn't when they expected.
And in case you are wondering, yes, I am looking at myself. I've struggled with all of these things. And sometimes still do. But I do continually take it back to the Lord and recognize His sovereignty. And then I come and take it back and we do it over again. And again. And again. :| I've definitely improved in some areas, and some areas are probably going to take years more of work (oh joy. :| ). But for today, I am content. And I am grateful for that. I know that there are areas where I could be more content (and I am ignoring those right now, thank you very much!).
I am enjoying the contentment, and the happiness that comes with it. It is good to know that it is possible to feel this way (thanks God!).

The Perfect Morning

2011-06-21T07:45:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up at five. Didn't get up until after six. I think I just need to set my alarm earlier so that I'll realize that it really is ok to get out of bed earlier. :| Anyway, now I am sitting here on the couch, having enjoyed my coffee and devos. The window is open and it is quiet outside. The perfect first day of summer. The sun is shining and the birds are singing, there is a white cottony cloud off in the distance, but it is already fading away. I am amazed at how peaceful it is in the middle of this apartment complex at ten to eight in the morning. It could easily be a couple of hours earlier it is so peaceful. Every once in a while you might hear a car go by, but not too often.
It kind of makes me feel like I am on vacation. The piles of work and busy day ahead don't, but the peacefulness of the morning reminds me of a house we stayed at in Wales. Just stillness. And it is beautiful.
Across the way from me there are azalea and some other flowering bushes. Mostly though, I just enjoy hearing the birds. I guess we just don't have a lot of songbirds in Ukraine. We have pigeons. And crows. And sparrows. The sparrows are definitely my favorite. But here there are robins and swallows (to my sister-in-laws chagrin--apparently they have some nesting by their apartment).
It is nice to wake up and enjoy the calm quiet of the morning. To sit a few minutes in peacefulness before the business of the day sets in. Today, my pain levels are a little lower than they have been and I am thankful for that. I'm still getting a lot of nerve pain in my right hand, but I have been able to cut back on the painkillers for which I am thankful. It makes this morning even just a little bit better. :)
I need to "go" to work now. First my course work, then my baking. But I am procrastinating. I want to just sit here and enjoy the morning.

Keep Praying!

2011-06-17T09:11:00.000-07:00

All right! Whoever it was of you that stopped praying after my last health post--get back to it!
I've actually had a migraine (a small one) for almost two weeks. The chiropractor says it is related to my chewing. :| And a few weeks ago, I pulled one of my vertebrae out of place and mucked up a couple of muscles trying to carry things that were too heavy for me. And yesterday I did something to my other shoulder and pinched a nerve. Plus my lower back is a bit messed up (probably from sitting cross-legged on the floor, but you didn't hear that from me) and I'm having an upsurge of joint pain again the last few days.
Ok, so that all said. What I said in my last post still holds. Yes, when I have more pain, I am more tired too which is frustrating, but overall, even with the pain my energy levels are still WAY higher than they would be without the supplements and treatment. So, things are still overall positive. I'm just having a low moment. Most of the pain is pretty manageable, but the joint pain does get me down. It affects my hands and feet and my hips and just kind of leaves me feeling extra stiff and sore which means it takes me longer to do stuff. Like get out of bed. And that leaves me frustrated and wondering if I am just being lazy. It always takes me a few days to figure out that I am actually in pain and could take meds to at least take the edge off. lol I'm a little slow that way.
Anyway, all that to say, I am doing way better than I was a year ago and my pain levels even now are lower than then. I just still need prayer and and prayer for patience and persistence and determination and grace. Of course I would like the pain to all just go away, but I know that probably isn't the way God is going to work in this situation. So, I need just as much prayer that I will deal with it gracefully and without complaint or giving in to the fear (of more pain or sometimes just continued pain). That I will rely on His strength and remember that He does provide for me to be able to do what He wants me to do each and every day, even if I don't accomplish all that I want to do!

Health Update

2011-06-14T08:42:00.000-07:00

You know, I get so frustrated with my energy levels sometimes. I just struggle with not being able to do all I want to do because I am just too tired. I am constantly amazed by how much time I spend on the couch. That said, I had a little wake up call last week.
My chiropractor/naturopath had me go off of most of my supplements so that he could test if I still needed them all or not. I had to go off of them for a minimum of four days so that all traces of them would be out of my system before he tested me. So, I quit taking most of them on Sunday. I didn't register any particular changes mentally, but they were most certainly there! He tested me on Thursday and I need to continue with all but one of my supplements (I'm taking three different vitamins as well as five or so other supplements, 25-30 pills every day and one or two in liquid form).
After getting back on them, I realized what a difference they do make. I had been struggling all week with just feeling lethargic and not able to pull myself together to do things. It just took all of my will-power to get my basic work done, which isn't usually that big of a problem. Got back on the supplements and bingo! within a few days life was so much easier again. I am having trouble expressing the difference that it made for me.
I think the difference is like trying to crawl up a mountain on your hands and knees versus being able to just walk up. You can do it on your hands and knees, but it takes a lot more effort and determination and every little anomaly in the path is a much bigger deal. When you can just walk up, you can cover a lot of the ground faster and more easily, you make better progress with less effort. And the little anomalies in the path can just be stepped over or jumped over, they don't require lengthy detours or careful planning to overcome. You just do it.
So definitely a big praise for the improvement in my health. Yes, taking all those supplements isn't fun or cheap, but they make the difference between my being able to live an almost normal life and spending 50%+ of my waking hours on the couch. And! They reduce my pain levels. Within a couple of days of going off I was having a lot more stiffness in my joints again and aching hands and carpal tunnel and all my joints were cracking and popping again. Now that I am back on them that has all dissipated back to an occasional thing not a daily routine. So PTL!

Downs and Ups

2011-06-10T16:35:00.000-07:00

Today, I woke up bummed out (probably had a bad dream). I just felt down. I got up, unpacked my new bakery display case and found it was broken. Called the company, they said they'd figure something out. Felt really bummed out. Started to make bolussen, four batches, so that I'd have enough for next week too and the kitchenaid broke. Sinking feeling in pit of stomach. Made four batches of bolussen by hand (I'm sure my arms will be sore tomorrow).
I rarely have a thoroughly bad day, but today I just woke up into one. I'm also migrainy again. Or still? It's been every day this week, just enough to take medicine, but not enough to stop me from working--thankfully. I read today and yesterday in Matthew. About not worrying about tomorrow. Seeking God's kingdom first and all of those good things. God has a sense of humor.

I took apart the kitchenaid and realized that I had just worn one of the cogs in the gear out. The part is about $5, the grease for the kitchenaid $20. But much better than $500 or so for a new kitchenaid!
The company hadn't called back (like they said they would) about the display case, but I opened up my email and found they had emailed instead. Their supplier felt that the break was a defect and was willing to replace the whole unit. So, I am now being sent a new display case, and apparently I get to keep this one (although I am still waiting to see about that).
I also got a call about a potential wedding cake order, I won't find out until next week if it will go through, but here's hoping!

The day has improved.

Walking in Faith

2011-06-08T18:11:00.000-07:00

This week I have been having some anxiety. Which is never pleasant. I've struggled with this off and on over the years, and it does seem to run in the family. But, I still wonder why? Sometimes I can pinpoint it to stress or too much caffeine (which could be the case today, although at about three cups of coffee--twice my usual--I don't know if that is a real risk factor). Other times I feel that I am just psyching myself out. Usually, that means I'm getting ahead of God. And often I feel that it is spiritually related. In any case, it definitely becomes spiritually related as it drives me to more and deeper prayer. But it still isn't any fun.
Today, I feel like my anxiety, at least in part, is spiritual in nature. I know that my parents will be off to Russia soon to start their leadership training sessions. This is often a season when I have more anxiety. These sessions are very key to developing the Russian ministry and turning it over to the Russians. There is often spiritual resistance, either through attitudes of those attending, difficulty with the arrangements for the sessions (they usually stay at a retreat center), people not coming at the last minute, travel problems, etc. And there is always an overwhelming pile of work to be done before the sessions (not just work related to the sessions, but office work and other things as my parents end up being gone for 4-6 weeks usually). This will be the first year in a while that I am not around to oversee things at "home" (Ukraine) while they are gone. Thankfully, the office is smaller, but that does still mean that they have to make some extra arrangements.
Please be in prayer for the summer sessions. Pray for the people who are invited, that they will all make it a priority with their wives. Pray that they will come with open hearts and minds willing to learn and grow and be spiritually challenged. Pray for travel mercies. Pray for the place it will be hosted (not quite sure where it will be this year). And please pray especially for my parents: they have had a LOT of travel this year and it is just wearing. Lots of time change and no routine and no real rest when you are not at home in your own environment. But this is what they have been called to do, so they have given up many of the comforts of this life to do that. It is truly a walk of faith, not just for material or spiritual things, but also for emotional and physical sustenance.

Update on Daniel

2011-06-06T11:55:00.000-07:00

Daniel and Priscilla have gone through a myriad of tests in the last couple of weeks. Thankfully that kind of thing is cheaper in Ukraine although you do have to watch the quality, but they were referred to some really good doctors. Basically, the doctors have not been able to figure out why Daniel had these strokes. They did say that both the stroke this year and the one last year were full strokes, not mini ones. And there is gray area on his MRI's which lend credence to that, although he has had a couple of serious head injuries in the past which could probably also have contributed to that.
For now the doctors have recommended that he take it easy till he is healed from this stroke (his speech was affected, but that is already clearing up). And of course, he needs to continue on his blood pressure medication. Your continued prayers are definitely appreciated through all of this. Pris and Dan still need to make decisions about how quickly Daniel is going to get back to normal life and of course they need ongoing prayer that he won't have more strokes or that they will find out the cause.

I would also appreciate your prayers this week. For some reason I am just feeling particularly stressed and anxious. Perhaps it is because I know my parents are traveling again or perhaps it is just still coming down off the high of having them here and everything that has been happening with the bakery business. I am anxious to get back into a more scheduled lifestyle. I feel like I've been burning the candle at both ends. So, just for wisdom with all the decisions I need to make this week and for how to organize it so I can get everything done and give it all to the Lord.

Market Pics!

2011-06-02T06:15:00.000-07:00

Just a few pics of our booths at the Wednesday and Saturday markets. Things are going pretty well, but it is all a learning process. And a walk of faith. There are so many little details to get caught up in and worry about. And really, I can't make my business successful, only God can really do that. I'm just trying to do my work "as unto Him" and trusting Him that He will bring about the results that He desires.

The first pic is me at the Wednesday market, before we got our tent walls. The others are of Anya at the Saturday market. She's a fantastic saleswoman and I get compliments on her all the time. :)

Daniel

2011-05-30T20:08:00.000-07:00

I know that most of you know this already, but for those who somehow have not heard: my brother-in-law, Daniel, had a mini stroke about two weeks ago. He's doing pretty good now, but he is still at risk for having a major stroke. They have found a good neurologist and are doing some tests, but prayers would be greatly appreciated.
The first neurologist they saw has recommended that Daniel not do any physical labor or be out in the sun very much for the next 3-6 months. Daniel would like a second opinion on that because of course that affects a lot of his ministry.
Please pray for wisdom for the doctors, but also especially for Daniel. At this point if he has a full stroke it would probably be catastrophic (as in, he would not be able to recover and would have to be cared for by someone else for the rest of his life).
His blood pressure was apparently fine for the last few months, but he has been in several accidents in the past where his head took a beating, so it could be that there is damage there from those things that are combining with his blood pressure issues to make him vulnerable to strokes.
Please pray for Priscilla and the children too as this is greatly affecting all of their lives too.

Market Days

2011-05-20T08:24:00.000-07:00

Wow, I was just typing in the title for this blog and it immediately popped up with some of the other similar posts that I've done recently like: "To Market, To Market...", "Saturday Market" and "Marketing Mondays".
I have to say, "Marketing Mondays" have disappeared into the oblivion of preparation for the market days. We are now proudly selling at both the Saturday and the Wednesday markets here in Salem, OR (not to be confused with Salem, OH, or Salem, MA, or any of the other Salems in other states). And I'm kept pretty busy with all the prep work for it. Anya took some pictures this Wednesday, so hopefully I'll be able to grab those from her and post them soon.
This is actually the first week we will be at both markets. I was busy the last two Saturdays with family and church things, so (*sniff) missed those markets, but on the other hand, it was nice to have the chance to get a little acquainted with the Wednesday market without immediately having the pressure of doing both.
I definitely had an upsurge in energy this week, for which I am definitely grateful as it has helped me to pull through and get the things done that I needed to, as well as some of those tasks that have been hanging over my head for a while (there are still more of those, unfortunately!). I've also had a bit of a migraine for, well, going into my fourth day today. It seems to be mostly gone today, but at the same time, I can still feel it. Prayer would be appreciated.
Really, prayer would be appreciated for all of this endeavor. I'm really enjoying the baking work and the market days, even though they are completely busy and exhaustingly long (up at 3-4am and running till about 4pm at least, sometimes longer). I am continuously amazed that I have been able to do it so far. I'm a little cautious about being too optimistic. I know that coming into summer is my better time of year as far as energy goes, but I don't want to count my chickens before they are hatched (that is the right way to say that isn't it? I have been having a lot of trouble with idioms lately). So definitely prayer for health. I do feel the toll it takes on my body to be so active all the time (and part of that toll is definitely that it is more difficult to eat properly when I am so wiped from doing all this other work, which makes my body unhappy). But I would also really just appreciate your prayers for wisdom in this. I just feel like God has His own plans for this all and His own ideas and I am just running to catch up. Things are going way better than I could possibly have expected, but I don't want to take that for granted. And I don't want to get so caught up in this that I can't hear Him if He tells me He wants me to do something else, or to go in this direction or that one. So, do please keep praying that I will be sensitive to Him and His Spirit's leading and that I will be obedient and honoring and glorifying to Him in all of this. I love baking, but whatever I do, I want to do it in a way that is honoring and glorifying to Him. I don't know how a bakery can be useful for the Kingdom of God, but God works in mysterious ways and I do believe this is the path He is leading me on, at least for now. So, forward! And to God be the glory!

Grad Cake

2011-05-16T11:09:00.000-07:00

So, my itsy, bitsy, baby brother graduated from college a week ago. He graduated cum laude with a double major in Computer Science and Psychology. You can see many, many pictures of this event on Anya's facebook page.As it happened, a couple of his friends also graduated. They all have similar interests (primarily computers), so we had a little get together for them (hard to call it a party when you get a large group of introverts together) and I made a cake for them all. This is actually much more the cake that I wanted to make for Matt's birthday (well, not this fancy, but I did want to put a figure of him at a computer on his birthday cake, but wasn't able to pull it off), so I amped it up a little for his grad. I decided to mix the two primary common interests that they have: computers and D&D. Of course, I feel that there is a lot more that I could have added to the cake, but in the end I was pretty happy with it.I started out with making and icing the cake. Then I made the computer keys. I've decided that computers need less keys and I think I will try to make that suggestion to developers for the future. Or maybe next time I'll just do an IPad. These are made of fondant (of course) and all personally shaped by me. It wasn't until I got to putting them on the cake that I realized that I had made every key, except the space bar. :|
The lid and screen were definitely a learning experience! I wanted to make a really thin screen. Most people use cardboard for this purpose. But, being me, I thought to myself, "Why do something simply in a way that is already proven to work, when you can give yourself for stress by choosing to do it the really difficult way?" So, I made my screen out of gumpaste and covered it in royal icing. It would have worked VERY well, I think, if I had been able to give it more time to dry. Too much humidity here, I guess.As you can see, I made a Mac (ptooey, ptooey!). I just didn't feel like working with black fondant, and the idea of a black fondant covered cake was...less than appealing to me. So, I did my best to make a Macbook (ptooey! ptooey!). I even did the cute little apple for it and everything.I would have liked to have spent a little more time on the screen, but I am not unhappy with it. This is the almost completed version. If you check with the completed cake you can play "spot the differences". I did learn that black food coloring makes a great grey initially, then turns purple overnight. Note to self: why the heck did you forget to use silver petal dust and tried to do that with black food coloring?! I also learned that I do not have a steady hand, so please don't look too closely at my painting and writing. In case you can't read the tiny writing, the google search bar reads "gaming jobs".Here is the finished computer without the screen. This is the next generation of Macbook (ptooey, ptooey.): it has no ports on the sides and no cord. It is solar powered and completely bluetooth. Underneath you will notice the "Player's Handbook". That's the D&D part of the cake. I wanted to do a lot more with that, but don't really feel that I have the artistic abilities necessary.The adorable! figurines came from my sister-in-law, Melissa. I conned her into making them, cause she is actually good at it and doesn't find it as horrifyingly stressful as I do (and just annoying and frustrating and *rolls eyes expressively). The blonde is Matthew, and then Abe is the one sitting down, and Craig is catching up on some sleep after finals (in the picture at the top of the post, it is L-R: Abe, Matthew, Craig). I think Melissa did a fabulous job and have decided to hire her for all future figurines! :D
Corban's colors are gold and dark blue, so I wanted to include that one the cake too. Hence the yellow and blue on the bottom layer. The side that we can't see says "Corban" and then you can just see part of the "2011" on this side.
The cake was a hit and I had tons of fun making it and am pretty happy with the end results myself.
And in case you are wondering: Yes, I am very proud of him.

B-day Cake (and other) Pictures

2011-05-15T19:30:00.000-07:00

Yeah!!! Blogger is finally up and working again! I tried to blog a couple of times several days ago and whatever google was doing it was "temporarily down for maintenance".
So, here (finally) are a few pics of some of the cakes I've done recently.
I'll post the grad cake too, soon. Promise (looks innocent).

Ok, so these aren't just cake pictures. These are some tulips from the tulip fields nearby. Absolutely stunning and something I would love to go see again next spring!

And then, down here, we have some of the danishes that I've been making. Actually, I believe these were some of my experimental ones. In case you are wondering, yes, they are delicious. And no, I'm not set up to do shipping right now! :) More about the bakery in a later post (but there is lots to tell!).

These are my two birthday cakes. One I made for the family and the other for home group. They are filled with thin layers of cake and whipped cream or mousse layers on the inside. The one was primarily chocolate, the other had apricots in the filling and I personally preferred it a little more. They also both had meringue layers in the middle of them.

Saturday Market

2011-04-26T07:53:00.000-07:00

We had a great time at the Saturday Market! Pretty much sold out. I had five items left at the end of the day out of the 170 that I started with.
I have to say that I really feel that the success of the day was because of my wonderful sister-in-law, Anya, who came with me. What's the saying? She could sell ... to a ... Well, she could!
Matt and Anya came with me to set up, which I much appreciated! I got up at 4:30 and started stuff going immediately and basically didn't stop baking till we walked out the door at 7:45. Matt and Anya helped me pack up the car (Matt's car cause it wouldn't all fit in mine). Let me rephrase that: Matt and Anya packed up the car while I finished baking and changed. :|
We got to the market a few minutes before eight and got a spot and set up. Matt volunteered to come along for the first few times to help set up, which I really appreciate because while Anya and I could do it ourselves, and I probably can do it all by myself (I'm a big girl! I can do it myself! Down Ziva, down!), it is a lot simpler and less stressful to have help! He even ran to McDonald's and got me some food and coffee since I hadn't eaten yet. And came up with a solution to the leaking tub.
Anya, in the mean time, helped me set everything up and get all the pastries out there. Baking that morning really paid off, cause a lot of stuff was still warm and giving off that wonderful fresh baked smell, which Anya utilized to sell. I'm so not a people person, and she is, so I took money from people and refilled the trays and kept things neat and tidy and Anya sold stuff. She kept our booth so busy that we barely had time to sit down! Honest. Or eat breakfast or anything else for that matter. The market lasts from 9am until 3pm and people started hitting our booth just before 9am and neither of us had time to think until about 12:30. Even then, Anya managed to keep the booth pretty busy and some people who came back got disappointed because we were mostly sold out by the time they made it back. She had to leave at 1:30, but by then she had sold all but maybe 12-15 items. And it took me the rest of the market to sell those down so that there were only five left.
I'm definitely planning on making some more items for this weekend, but I've also decided that Anya is absolutely indispensable for running my booth! Now I just need to convince her of that!

I really appreciate the support and prayers I have had for this. I really don't feel like I can make this a success, but if God wants to, He can. And He seems to be, so I am just trying to hang on for the ride.

To Market, To Market...!

2011-04-22T08:54:00.000-07:00

Today is my last day to prep for tomorrow, which will be my first market day. I am curious to see how it will go. I have no idea how much stuff to take and I am still ironing out details like pricing. There are so many rules and regulations (like I have to bring my own water for hand-washing and take it away with me too), it is a bit daunting, but I am sure that after the first month I will have it more-or-less down pat. I've also conscripted Matt and Anya to help set up and stuff tomorrow, which I am sure will make things a bit easier.
I'm keeping my "menu" simple this time. Mostly croissants, a few danish, some tarts (including this chocolate one that I made this week that is utterly dangerous for me to make because I can't stop eating them!), and some bolussen (Dutch sticky buns). I'm prepping stuff today, but will bake it tomorrow morning, which means early to bed--early to rise.
Unfortunately, I am in the throes of a cold and woke up with a wee bit of a migraine this morning (well, I went to bed with it last night, but hoped that the drugs I took then would have scared it away, but 'parently not). But even though I don't feel that great I am excited to bake. As always! :P
Prayers would definitely be appreciated for that all.

When I got up this morning and read my devotional, I also realized that it is Good Friday today. And I am in a mood to be thoughtful about it. This Easter week is flying by and part of me does wish for the longer celebration that goes on in Ukraine, but I am appreciating the little reminders that God keeps dropping in my lap about Easter. I am not being caught off guard this year and I am glad. It is amazing to have such a solemnly joyous occasion to celebrate. It is an honour to understand the truth of Easter and be able to celebrate that. My heart goes out to my neighbors and the many other people who cross my path who just don't know. They are missing out on so much, in this life, but especially in the next. It makes my heart heavy for them. And it reminds me that this is why Christ came, so that we all could experience the beauty of a relationship and eternity with Him.

Palm Sunday

2011-04-18T10:02:00.000-07:00

I didn't make it to church at all yesterday. I was bummed about that, but after it took me about 1 1/2 hours to get ready for church in the morning, I realized that if I was moving that slowly it might be best to just stay home. There was also a small group social function at the other campus of my church in the evening, which I figured I could still go to, but didn't make it to that either.
Interestingly though, it was still a better day than most of last week. I'm kind of glad that I chose to use that energy at home though, esp. since today I woke up and am feeling like I am coming down with a cold.
So, back to Palm Sunday. I don't want to miss Easter this year. That has happened to me before and it really stinks. Naturally, I was bummed to miss Palm Sunday since that kind of sets the tone for the week. I put on some Easter music, but that didn't really change much.
This morning, I got up and just put Itunes onto the "DJ" setting and all of a sudden this song comes up "He Never Said a Mumblin' Word". It is all about how Christ did not complain, grumble or defend Himself before Pilate or when He was crucified. The lyrics are simple and repetitive (which means I can actually understand them). Then, later as I was delivering my order listening to the radio in the car, another song popped up about how Christ forgave without admonition; He just simply forgave and let it go.
I want to be like Him. And really, that put my mind onto Easter. Christ really made a huge sacrifice and He did it so graciously, so kindly. He didn't remonstrate or complain when the disciples left Him, when Peter denied Him, and when they doubted Him after He rose again. He just patiently loved. I just can't quite wrap my little mind around His sacrifice and the attitude with which He made it. A gentle lamb.

Allergy Season

2011-04-13T11:19:00.000-07:00

That pretty much sums up my life. I mean, what season isn't allergy season? Winter is generally pretty good, allergy wise, but the cold makes life difficult.
I think my body just hates me. Since February I've had increasing allergies. Basically, since it began to warm up here. I get this every spring, but it has been particularly noticeable this one, perhaps because I am actually beginning to feel a little better overall. Now when I get knocked on my back, it seems worse because I am able to spend more time up. My body just can't tolerate the extra load of allergies and it affects me across the board--making my chemical sensitivities worse and any pain I have or attacking other weak areas.
I was figuring that out the other day though and I realized that I still have incredibly few hours in my active/profitable day. I think I'm averaging around seven hours out of bed right now. It's been low the last few weeks, I should be getting at least 10 and 12 on a day when I push myself. The couch is my best friend. And my worst enemy.
On the other hand, last week, after I mentioned that I wasn't feeling great and asked ya'll to pray for me, I did feel an upsurge a couple of days later. So, I thought I'd put out a second appeal. Your prayers really do make a difference in my life and in my work. They are needed so that I can do what God asks of me.

The good thing about being sick is that it does help you to focus priorities a bit. I mean, if you only have a few hours up, you want to use that time the best you can. It doesn't mean I always do, but I try. Plus, it keeps my focus on eternity and remembering that this life is "but 70 years" and so I am almost half way through the race! It is one heck of an endurance run! :)
I've also been thinking a lot about how far I have come healthwise. I mean, ya, I still struggle a lot, but compared to a few years ago...! Wow. Vast improvements! Being out of bed for four hours a day used to be remarkable, incredible, a really good day. Now that is a really bad day and mostly I have twice that much energy. I'm also free from the pain from herniating the disk in my back. I am no longer in constant pain. I still have pain from other areas of my body, but rarely from that. It is amazing to think back and realize the work of healing that God did there! I'm so grateful.

Do I get down from being sick so much? Yes. I've been feeling down about it all this week. Frustrated with myself. Wanting to rise above, move on with my life. I want to do all the work that normal people are able to do. Instead, I'm stuck here. Chained to my couch. It makes me feel worthless and like I don't deserve the support I receive. But, I'm not in charge of that; God is. And in the end, He is the one working in and through me to achieve His perfect will. And that's when I realize that I am privileged because of my struggles I get to see God "up close and personal" providing me the energy and focus to do what He wants me to do today, providing for my physical needs, providing for the strength and grace and patience for each day.